You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
