I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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