My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
