WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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