honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
