I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
