Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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