dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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