Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
