So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
