How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
