I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize