when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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