My balls are so social today.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
