I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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