woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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