If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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