It's Friday. Sex?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
