I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
So. Much. Porn.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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