Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
