There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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