So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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