it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
