Your face is a jimmy john
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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