Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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