Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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