Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
