I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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