just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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