I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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