My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
