Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
