My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
