I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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