Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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