youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
