After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
