I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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