my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You were trust falling into bushes
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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