dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
