Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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