i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
