it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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