About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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