the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
