weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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