So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
