Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
