mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
