watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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