Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
