I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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