We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
