just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he puts the penis in happiness.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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