After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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