at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
