I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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