so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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