you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize