I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
