The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
