you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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