you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
