So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
