Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
