Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize