That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
