We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
