my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
