my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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