dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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