I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
