i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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