Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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