So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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