apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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