i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
