well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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