Plan B is the new Plan A
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
