VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
