Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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